Here I am and I'm still alive! My quality of life is good. I'm making progress. I remember when my husband would tell me "keep the faith" and "I'm a work in progress." When exactly did he stop believing that himself? When exactly did our marriage die? A year later, I'm still coming to terms with that. I haven't had closure.

I have no regrets. I was sick and he didn't want to be stuck with a terminally ill wife. The problem is I have living to do yet too. I wasn't ready to die so he can go on with his life, leaving him the grieving widower. Alive, but living "the new normal," our lives no longer mesh. My life isn't over. Its just a lot different than it was. My priorities, beliefs and goals have changed drastically. I have to learn to live with the cards NF2 has dealt me. 10 years ago, despite having NF2 and being completely deaf, I was independent. I had a good career. I had accomplished a goal of getting a bachelors degree. My priority was my marriage. My dreams of having a family were quashed, but I still had hopes and goals for the future. After we hadn't had luck getting pregnant, Brad told me he didn't have it in his heart to adopt. After coming to terms with the loss of that dream, I still believed in our future together. We had built a beautiful home in the country (ironically, we had it built handicap accessible but I never got to use it that way) and I looked forward to building on to it and our 1.5 acres. I looked forward to traveling with Brad. We had already gone to Jamaica and Australia and enjoyed our experiences very much. To be continued... (2/24/09- I chose not to continue this topic.  My marriage is over and so is that chapter of my life.  I want my blog to be about my current life and witnessing to the wonderful blessings God has bestowed upon me!)